Is it really worth the risk? What if I don’t get another opportunity like this one? I need to know who he frequents with, and are they really just his friends? A million thoughts all at once, and a feeling of desperation creep up in the middle of the night, with nowhere to run but to accept the grasp of anxiety. Something that can cause moments of panic, feelings of fear or overwhelm, and a general sense of unease and tension. Anxiety can take over your thoughts and ooze into many areas of your life, including your love life. The seriousness of inflicting chaos in your relationship and not realizing it is really what’s scary.
A feeling of fear or worry can really hurt oneself, not only the person who is experiencing the anxiety disorder, but just the same to their significant other. Having such disorder in a relationship can break down trust and break connection with your partner. Fueling thoughts of an unhealthy relationship and the idea that your partner isn’t supportive at all, can lead into something more serious like arguments and fights. The stability of a couple or the relationship itself isn’t what it used to be because the smallest of things can create an argument and can lead into a fight of words. What’s next? Yelling becomes so normal that it pushes the couple to something worse than words, then it becomes physical.
Let’s backtrack a little, and scratch the whole physical confrontation. Perhaps it does not reach that point, perhaps you never bring it up and you keep it to yourself. Bottled up emotions just building away, as you let them pile up. What do you think happens to a soda bottle as it builds pressure? It pops. In a relationship it can be similar to the bottle, the anxiety can build up thoughts or ideas that you hold to yourself. The distress of holding it inside can create fear or concern that causes your thoughts to drift away from the facts or what’s really there. If you don’t express what you truly feel or need, anxiety becomes stronger. Your emotions may eventually spiral out of control if you keep them in. Chances are that you will become overwhelmed and defensive. Everything you bottled up will finally pop, most likely it would erupt at the wrong time or towards the wrong people, not necessarily your partner, but maybe your family.
People are different, which means each relationship is different. To some keeping things in might help them prevent fights but it’s not always a good idea. Tye, kristine (2017), Communication is key in a relationship (How Anxiety Destroys Relationships (and How to Stop It). Studies have showed that when something is bothering you its best to talk about it in the moment. When your unnecessary thoughts are addressed it allows you to move on from the situation and live in the moment. If you’re like me, stepping away for a couple minutes to gather your thoughts is the best thing to do. Anxiety is very unpredictable, the things it makes you think or say in the most random moments of your life are always the hard ones because you feel like nothing or no one in the world can help you. So, stepping away to think clearly will be the best coping mechanisms for you and your relationship.
Anxiety is a mental illness that makes you over think everything in your life, it inflicts fear and doubt, not just on yourself but also in everyone around you, especially in those you love. It breaks down the trust in your relationship. I have found that asking questions could also help. When I have something in the back of my head that I can’t seem to let go, I ask a question. “You will never know until you ask”, is what my mother always told me.
Another solution is having a person to confide your problems too, a friend. According to Lewis, David M.G et el. (2011), women befriend other women that demonstrate intimacy potential, such as kindness, compassion, and empathy (Friends with Benefits: The Evolved Psychology of Same- and Opposite-Sex Friendship). So, to women its beneficiary to talk to other women about the thoughts and worries in your relationship. Not only does it distract your mind, but it also gives you a different look to your problems because you’re looking at them from different angles.
Asking for professional help is probably the most helpful thing to do when your anxiety is over whelming and over powering your relationship. Especially, if you feel like you have tried everything in the books to better your relationship, and nothing seems to be working. Also, encouraging your spouse or significant other to accompany you to counseling. Marriage counseling is beneficial because your counselor will touch subjects that you or your partner are afraid to touch. The counselor will remain bios and won’t pick sides so he or she will address the situation properly.
Is it really worth the risk? What if I don’t get another opportunity like this one? I need to know who he frequents with, and are they really just his friends? Anxiety will come up at any moment of your life and you can’t help but let it happen. Now it’s up to you to overcome it. Seek help, talk to your partner or a friend, ask questions, or take a step back to gather your thoughts. Don’t let thoughts like that over cloud your mind, only you have control of them. You and your partner will overcome anxiety if you work together and remain strong.
Lewis, David M.G, et al. “Friends with Benefits: The Evolved Psychology of Same- and Opposite-Sex Friendship.” Philosophy of the Social Sciences, 1 Oct. 2011, journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/147470491100900407#_i20.
Tye, Kristine. “How Anxiety Destroys Relationships (and How to Stop It).” Therapy for Schizophrenia, Therapist For, GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog, 21 Sept. 2017, www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-anxiety-destroys-relationships-and-how-to-stop-it-0622155.