My Go To

Every decision ever made, every step ever taken by me that goes beyond the level of my comfort zone has always been encouraged by my mother.  At an adolescent age, I realized just how cruel this world could be.  In elementary school I was a victim of bullying, I was called names like “the tall quiet nerdy girl” or made fun of by the clothes that I would wear and pushed around by the people I wanted to be friends with.  One day my mom decided to take a snack for me to munch on during recess and she saw something that “shattered my heart” as I remember her saying.  My mom saw the group of girls that she thought were my friends messing with me and throwing trash on the floor for me to pick up.  She observed me for most of that recess to see everything I would usually go through without her knowing and after I would do as the girls would say they would run off and ditch me so I would always end up alone playing with rocks on the floor.  When I got home my mom told me everything she witnessed and asked me why I never told anyone about how they would treat me; I broke down in tears when she told me she was there for it all.  Once I stopped crying she looked at me and said she was going to take me shopping so all the girls would get jealous of my new pretty clothes. After that day, I was able to grow some confidence to look for other people that would appreciate my friendship.

I have always been a timid person especially around people I didn’t know so by the time I started middle school my mom was worried I’d be bullied and would have trouble making friends again especially in a new environment.  Luckily that wasn’t the case, I actually made friends quite fast in middle school however; she encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone a bit more and try something new. I would always hear my friends having fun playing in a soccer team or softball team and I was really interested in trying out for the basketball team.  I figured I had a little advantage being tall so I went for it and made it.  I felt like I accomplished something big for once and that I did it myself, yes with a boost of confidence from my mom but the rest came within me. Being on the team alone opened so many doors for me and made me realize just how much was out there for someone to do.  I got to meet new people that were all so open minded and outgoing, something I have always wanted to be. After a whole season with those girls I opened up and became a strong, outgoing, and respectful young woman.

When I hit high school, I thought I no longer needed the help of my mom to get me through anything.  I was outgoing, had friends and was independent what else did I need right? Yes, I hit that stage in my life where I thought I knew everything and could take on the world by myself. I entered a program called AVID with the high hopes they made me believe were a hundred percent going to be achieved if I became a part of it. I was that busy girl in high school that would try out for multiple sports and made the team, was in extracurricular programs and still maintained a social life and decent grades on top of it all but through this whole process my mom was still there for me I just realized it a bit later. When I would have all-nighters, she would stay up with me to keep me company or make me coffee. My senior year was absolutely hectic having to apply to four year universities, having seven classes plus sports I was at school more than I was at home and my mom understood I was busy but she would still find little ways to help me like packing me lunch or giving me rides to and from practice. Around the end of my senior year I started having bad experiences where my body would paralyze, and I would wake up with migraines. At one point, I would even try to stay awake throughout the night because I would be scared it would happen again. This lasted about a month and all throughout that month my mom took care of me, she would pick me up from school when my migraines became unbearable and she would stay up until id fall asleep we were finally told I was experiencing something called sleep paralysis but by the end we were both glad I got through it. My senior year was more than half way over when I noticed I wasn’t getting any acceptance letters to any school. I decided to keep it to myself and talk about it with my counselor when I got the chance. When I finally sat with her and told her what was going on she realized she put me in a regular computer class when I needed to take a specific kind of computer class to have had all of my A-G requirements completed I was dumbfounded I couldn’t believe I worked so hard all four years of high school just to get denied from every school and all my counselor had to say was “ sorry I thought you planned to go to a community college so I didn’t put you in that class.” When I got home that day I cried to my mom saying all my hard work was for nothing and she let me know it was ok and that it wasn’t the end of the world I would just take the longer road to success but all the matters is that I get there. So, with that I decided it was just another thing I had to get over and keep moving forward. I haven’t quite mastered success yet but I will get their sooner than later and I know once I do I will have my mom standing right next to me cheering me on like she has always done for me.