Growing up in a broken home has definitely put unnecessary stress on me starting from a young age. My parents gave me everything and were so amazing, they have taught me so many life lessons and everything I needed to know. But, there was just one thing in my life that wasn’t right. My parents divorced when I was three years old, I never really understood or could comprehend at that age what was going on until I got a little older. I really tried to let it not get to me but I couldn’t help it because I was always the one who was stuck in the middle and had to deal with it physically and emotionally. Seeing my friends’ families who didn’t come from broken homes made me so upset and almost jealous of them. My two older brothers got to see my parents together and live in a home that wasn’t broken. I always wondered what it would be like living in a home with both my parents. Parents don’t realize the impact it has on the children lives growing up. You don’t realize how much it has affected you until you see a home that isn’t broken and see how happy everyone is. I question if my parents even tried to make it work or even get help so they could fix their problems. I found a website that has 90 % success rate, it is an alternative to marriage counseling. Fertel, Mort. “Marriage Counseling – Free Marriage Help from Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel.” Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 May 2017. Seeing how many options and alternatives there are now a days to fix a marriage I always with my parents could’ve done something or even just tried.
When you get the news that your parents are splitting up you automatically wonder what is going to happen instead of the reason they’re getting divorced. On the website http://www.children-and-divorce-effects.com they talked about the effects divorce have on children. “The effects result more often from the feeling of uncertainty of what is going to happen after the divorce, from the level of conflict between the parents and from how the parenting after the divorce is done (children and divorce). It’s hard to except the reality when you get the news that your family is splitting up. Ages 9 and younger tend to blame themselves for their parents divorce in the future and dream about their parents getting back together again some day. For young children your parents are the center of your universe, all they want at that age is their parents, attention, love, and confirmation. “Divorced parents report that after the divorce, their young children started bed watering again and that they could not or did not want to do simple tasks that they were able to before. Probably, this is their way of getting closer to their parents” (Children-and-divorce). Parents aren’t realizing that even at a young age us children know and see what is going on around the house. They can feel tension and things changing around the house, its like the house turned upside down to them.
Broken homes affect the children more than anyone in the family because the children have to watch and listen to what is going on everyday. They are the ones who have to deal with the after effects. Some divorces could have a significant reason for there separation because one of them could have been abusive or a drug addicts. For circumstances such as domestic abuse, drugs, and alcoholism, it might possibly be assistive for the child’s’ development to separate.
Researchers find that most children from divorced families function normally, but some clinicians assert that young people are disturbed even many years after a divorce. These accounts may be less discrepant than they appear, because research typically focuses on notably problematic behavior (disorder), whereas case studies emphasize more subtle inner turmoil (distress). In Study 1 college students reported painful feelings, beliefs, and memories about their parents divorce on a reliable new measure, but they also reported accepting the divorce and having few psychological symptoms. Distress about family life was greater among students from divorced than from married families Children should not have to witness scenarios that will scar them more than a divorce would. Divorce can be stressful on the children says Laumann Billings. Researches find that most children from divorced families function normally, but some clinicians assert that young people are disturbed even many years after divorce. These accounts may be less discrepant than they appear, because research typically focuses on notably problematic behavior (disorder), whereas case studies emphasize more subtle inner turmoil distress. In study 1 college students reported painful feelings, beliefs, and memories about their parents divorce on a reliable new measure. (APA 2017)
You can’t fix a broken marriage until you resolve the issues a broken person is having individually. A person has to heal themselves before they can even think to begin fixing relationships with those they love. The article, Fix Your Broken Marriage By Reinventing Yourself is trying to help others not just fix their marriage but fix themselves. “Reinventing yourself is not the same as fixing someone who is broken” (the marriage foundation). Before making a decision you want to separate, you have to think long term and how this will affect your children. There is so much help out there and professional people wanting to help families that are having problems. All the problems we face in life even cheating, are resolvable. We have to go through so much pain to get through our problems but you can find techniques that will help your marriage. Research shows some tips on how marriage counseling can help couples. “A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective, partners can improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions to reach an impasse and lose the ability to be vulnerable and trusting of one another” (hiffingtonpost). I feel as if some couples just feel like they have no hope for their relationship to get better and they give up right away without even trying and that shouldn’t be the case, they should be seeking help and thinking about the long term affects it can put on there children.
When I was little I never really knew what was going on and why my parents weren’t together but over the years it has been so hard for me not having my parents be able to even communicate with each other and I will always be stuck in the middle of both of them. Divorces can either be a good or bad thing for a family because it could mean one of there parents was a drug addict or could’ve been abusive. But for my case it wasn’t any of that and it has affected me in life emotionally and I will never want to put m future children through that kind of tragic. Before making a huge decision in my life and marrying my significant other I want to know he is the one I want to raise a family with. I don’t want my children to have to effected for the rest of their lives because their parents couldn’t work out their problems. It makes me not believe that true love doesn’t exist because I haven’t been able to witness it first hand. It scares me for the future that I wont be able to keep my family together, You can’t help couples that aren’t willing to be helped but if the couple wants to fix things and they are both on the same page, it is possible to be able to fit it. “A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective. It can provide neutral territory to help couples work through tough issues or to put aside baggage that prevents the couple from moving on” (hiffingtonpost).
1.“Children and Divorce.” Information, Tips and Real Life Stories for Divorced Parents. N.p.,n.d. Web. 08 May 2017
2.“Home Page.” The Marriage Foundation. N.p.,n.d. Web 08 2017
3.“Children’s Experiences and Meanings Construction on Parental Divorces.” ERIC – Education Resources Information Center. N.p.,nd Web 08 May 2017
4.“Children and Divorce” Information, Tips and Real Life Stories for Divorced Parents N.p.,n.d. Web. 08 May 2017
5.“Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce.” mediate.com- Find Mediators- World’s Leading Mediation Information Site. N.p.n.d Web. 08 May 2017
6.American Psychological Association. American Psychological Association, n.d. Web. 08 May 2017
7.Fertile, Mort. “Marriage Counseling – Free Marriage Help from Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertal.” Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertal. N.p.n.d Web. 08 May 2017